A to Z in Padfoot and Moony
by Imaginewhirledpeas
Summary: An aplhabetical story including monolouges between Moony and Padfoot and maybe a few friends. Some fluffy, some funny, some just romantic. Or awkward. But never a dull moment. SB/RL


Disclaimer; All rights to Harry Potter belong to JK Rowling. Remember that. BTW, some of these

The A to Z of Padfoot and Moony

Apples to Lead Pipes

R- You can't turn an apple into a lead pipe. That isn't even a spell. You're going to hurt yourself…

S- You lack vision, Moony!

BANG

R- I told you so.

S- Help me get my eyebrows back!

R- No, Sirius! If I keep helping you when you do things like this, you're never going to learn.

Books

R- Sirius! Get in here!

S- Yes, dear?

R- Someone replaced all my books with coloring books and gay smut.

S- That person has good taste in literature. You should be thankful they helped you.

Chinchilla Problems

S- Moony! Come check out what my awesome new pet is doing!

R- Where'd you get a chinchilla? Oh my god… is that Peter?

Squee, squee, squee!

S- I told him not to transform during Nutmeg's mating season…

Dinosaur Eggs

R- Padfoot, give James his egg back.

S- But he was going to eat it!

R- Yes, the egg was his food, Padfoot.

S- But this egg is special, Moony.

R- Humor me.

S- This is my first dinosaur in my dinosaur army!

R- Just grab another egg, James. He's not giving that one up.

J- I don't know why you put up with it, Moons.

Exceeds Expectations

R- I think you should've gotten an E on your homework, Padfoot.

S- Really? Why?

R- You exceeded everyone's expectations by turning in your homework, dear.

S- Aw thanks, Moons. Hey, wait…

Frontal Lobe

S- I think I want to get my frontal lobe pierced, Moony!

R- Do you even know where the frontal lobe is?

S- My ear, right?

R- I love you, idiot.

S- Aw… I love you too. Wait…

Grapist

R- Stop eating the grapes like that!

S- Why? Is it turning you on?

R- No, but it's making the first years think you're a grapist.

1st Yr.- Why is he eating them like that…?

Hair-do

R- What did the fangirls do to you?

S- I believe it's called a French braid…

R- Don't they know we're not THAT kind of gay?

FG's- Hehehe…

Instructions

R- What did you do to that potion?

S- I just followed the instructions…

R- These are in German, Padfoot.

S- Me no habla el aleman.

R- WHAT?

Jelly

R- Where did you even get an entire drum of strawberry jelly?

S- I have connections, Moony. You know that!

R- What are you even gonna do with all this jelly?

S- Toast, probably.

R- You do realize you're allergic to strawberries.

S- Oh yea. I keep forgetting…

Kelly Green

R- Why did you paint yourself Kelly green, Sirius?

S- I'm going Ravenclaw hunting with James today.

R- Raven claw is blue, dear.

S- Damn!

Lick

R- Can I lick your lollipop?

S- Hehehe… it sounds dirty.

R- Really, can I?

S- You can lick anything I own, Moonikins.

Minestrone

R- Hey, did you make Italian wedding soup today?

S- Sorry, sweetikins. Minestrone tonight.

R- ROOOOOOOAAAARRR!

S- Jeez, is it that close to full moon already?

Neon Socks

R- Do you like my new socks?

S- Neon pink? Really?

R- You don't like them?

S- No! I wanted a pair!

Outhouse

S- Hey, have you seen the bathroom? I need to go, like super bad.

R- Oh, it's in the backyard.

S- …What are you saying?

R- There's an outhouse, silly.

S- Oh god. Why didn't we just go to a hotel like a real vacation?

A Pajama Party

S- Have you seen my footie pajamas?

R- Wait, you have footie pajamas?

S- Yup, for pajama parties.

R- Am I invited?

S- We're the only two going, duh.

R- I'll have to go nude then…

S- You're just trying to seduce me…

R- So?

S- Ok, you win. Let's go naked!

Quiet!

R- Be quiet, Sirius! James and Peter could hear us!

S- Then stop tickling me like that… Hehehe…

R- Shhh!

J and P- Oh don't stop on our account. We're already traumatized.

Right Handed

R- Hey, are you right handed or left handed?

S- I'm love handed…

R- What does that even mean?

S- I'm right handed.

R- Okay…?

Spinning

R- What are you doing, Sirius?

BARF

S; Whoa, the room is spinning…

R- Maybe because you were twirling in circles…

Turnips

S- Happy anniversary, Moony!

R- Thanks, Padfoot. Ummm... Sirius?

S- Yes?

R- Why'd you give me a turnip?

S- It's our anniversary!

R- Well… I guess it's the thought that counts. _Although I don't understand the idea behind a turnip…_

Underwire

R- Sirius! Give me Lily's bra before she finds out you stole it!

L- Why are you holding my underwire bra, Remus?

SNARLS

S- I am so ashamed, Moony.

R- I hate you, Padfoot…

Vernal Equinox

R- Where are you taking me?

S- Don't open your eyes; we're almost there.

R- Are you gonna be naked like the last time you did this?

S- Ok, open them.

R- Wow… it's beautiful, Sirius. How did you know the fruit in the forest glows on the Vernal Equinox?

S- Just kiss me, Remus.

Water Wings

R- What are you waiting for? Jump in already, the water's fine!  
S- I don't have my floaties…

R- You still swim with water wings?

S- You still sleep with a teddy bear!

R- Don't talk about our sex life in front of the First years!

S- Prick.

Xenias

S- What are xenias?

R- They are plants that provide oxygen for bacteria that live in the ocean.

S- Oh, ok.

R- Why do you ask?

S- Because the author couldn't think of any words starting with X, so she googled it and found a list of them.

R- What are you talking about?

S- Never mind…

Yodeling

R- Oh God, what is that horrific noise?

J- Sirius is learning to yodel.

R- Why?

J- How should I know? You're the one screwing him. Or he's screwing you. Please don't talk about it; I have a bad enough headache already.

R- You brought it up!

J- He's screwing you, right?

R- _I should've just stayed at the library…_

The Zest in Life

The reason Remus and Sirius ever fell in love is because they are everyone the other is not. Remus is structured, shy, and studious. Sirius is unpredictable, outgoing, and often times distracted. They both provide the zest in life for one another, and I do not believe that the two will ever get bored. Especially with that Sirius around…

My first alphabet story!

Give me and R! Give me an E! You know that you viewed! Now RE- view me!


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